BREAK TIME

  I am taking a break tonight from blogging.  I have got to step back and evaluate my blog, again.  I notice I get far more readers when I post about things like the Death Penalty and the F word, and less readers when I do compassionate stories, or stories from the heart.  Let me think this thing through for a night, and I will return tomorrow night with a new blog from the "Science of my Mind." Good night all.  Love.

COMING OF AGE

  I remember the days of school when we didn't have a care in the world.  I made it through elementary and junior high school without any real concerns, maybe a bully here or there, but nothing that really stands out in my memory.
High school was when things got a little shifty for me, I was a very ugly child while I attended high school, not that I consider myself a handsome adult now, but the point is I considered myself an exception to the ugly rule.  I had acne so bad in high school I didn't even want to go.  What would all of the other people think?  I didn't have one of those whitehead pimples every now and then, I had several whitehead pimples on a daily basis.  I would actually set time aside during my school day just to pop them.  I think my acne finally cleared up during my senior year.  Set aside my days of extreme insecurity from more pimples than usual to pop, I ultimatley had a good time during my school years.  I'm blessed enough to still be friends with some of the people I attended school with, and we to this day have some good, hearty laughs.
  So tell me, when is it that one finally reaches that moment, let's out a huge sigh of relief, gives their head a little shake, and realizes that they have finally come of age.  Now, let's think about the last three words of the last sentence.  When did you know?  Do you know yet?  Has it happened to you yet?  Will it ever happen to you?  What the heck is this guy talking about, "coming of age?"  Allow me to give my opinion of what coming of age means to me.  It may differ from your opinion, but that's ok by me, we're all entitled.

  To me, coming of age for me happened just recently, I mean very recently, found it's way into my heart.  It's a feeling of peace, of serenity.  At 53 years old, I have resigned to the fact, that this is about as good as it's going to get for me, and that's ok.  My name is George Kuchenmeister, I'm married to a woman who I feel is the prettiest gal around.  I've got three stepkids that love me, two grandkids that I love, and two of the best dogs a man could ask for.  I've got friends that call when I'm sick, friends that dont.  I've got family I talk to regularly, some I don't and probably never will.  But all that stuff, it's all ok.  This my little world, it's not perfect, but I am much better off than many people, and for that I give thanks.  You see coming of age to me is I've realized, I am who I am, take me or leave me, that's on you.  I no longer have to cast stones at other people to give me strength, I no longer criticize people for who they are or are not.  I've said I'm sorry to all the people I need to , if they accept my apology, or not, that's on them.  Coming of age is when your heart is finally at peace, true peace.  I'm happy with the road I've traveled, I have come of age.

DIABETES--You Don't want it!!!

February 20, 2012

  I have wanted to write a blog on the topic of diabetes for some time now.  I've waited until tonight because I finally decided if I don't just write it, it's not going to be written.  I wanted this blog to be perfect, stats, numbers, blah, blah, blah.  If I would have have waited to write this blog until I gathered all of the statistics I thought I needed, my hair hair would be as gray as my goatee.  I can write this the way I write all of blogs, through experience, my words.

  Look, I'm not going to sit here and claim that I know everything about diabetes, because I don't, all I know is, you don't want it.  Two of the nicest ladies I know have diabetes, and they will tell you the same thing, I'm sure of it.  They say that around 40 million people were diagnosed in 2011 with pre diabetes, meaning all the conditions are right for these people to develop diabetes.  If one little thing that I say in this blog, helps or prevents one person from developing diabetes, then I will be one happy George.
  In late 2005, I started developing the symptoms for diabetes.  My wife would say, "it's diabetes, you need to get checked, go to your doctor." I would say, "it's not diabetes, diabetes doesn't run in my family."  Besides, I asked her, "aren't all diabetics overweight?"  I believed I weighed 138 at the time.  I noticed I had come increasingly thirsty, when I say increasingly, I mean 8 to 10 gatorades every four to six hours.  I was urinating every 10 minutes.  The day I was diagnosed, I was almost blind, everybody and everything was very white and blurry.  January 5, 2006, I went to a doctor, they told me I had diabetes, I was put on insulin injections at that time.  The doctors couldn't tell me why I had diabetes, I had none of the underlying factors for it, they were as puzzled as I was.  It has been an uphill battle since that day.  I'm trying to keep this simple, because if your not familiar with diabetes, some of the terms used may as well be written in a foreign language

  I have uncontrolled diabetes.  This doesn't mean that I don't follow doctor's orders, this means that my body just doesn't react to the insulin I inject and the oral medications I take very well.  One day one amount of insulin might be the perfect dose with a certain meal, another day my glucose levels bottom out and I'm rushing to raise my levels back to normal.  One day, I may eat a slice of wheat bread, my glucose levels stay near perfect, another day, I eat a slice of wheat bread, and my glucose level jumps 200 points---unconcontrolled diabetes.  To assist in controlling my diabetes, I take an oral diabetes medication twice daily, I inject a 24 hour hour insulin every night before bed, and inject fast acting insulin up to eight times per day, usually four to six times per day.  I need an insulin pump, but can not afford one.  If you should have the unfortunate luck of being diagnosed, high blood pressure and high cholesterol come hand in hand with diabetes, so your taking those meds too.  Diabetes is a sneaky disease too, last May I was diagnosed and hospitalized for eight days with complications from my diabetes, my organs had started to shut down because I had an unusually high ketone count.  Thank God for the staff at Theda Clark Hospital. 

  Today, uugghh, darn diabetes, I have damage to my nerve endings in my feet and legs, called Diabetic Neuroapathy, let's just say that some days are better than others.  The doctors tell me that all they can do now is to manage the pain.

  If I hope you went away with anything at all from this blog is that if a skinny 140 pound guy can get diabetes, you can too.  Be more aware of your diet, and if anything feels out of whack with your body, get to a doctor.  I hope by laying out some things I have to experience on a daily basis, maybe, just maybe, you'll take some precautions so that you don't develop this nightmare of a disease.  Any questions, feel free to ask.  If I don't know the answer, I have a diabetes educator that I can ask for you.  Until tomorrow.  Love.

 

 

   

LOVE LOVE LOVE

February 19, 2012

  Before creating this blog I had no writing experience whatsoever, and that I'm sure that shows in the end result.  I tinkered with writing on and off throughout the course of my life, but never dreamed I would actually enjoy it this much, I look very forward to this time of the day when I can let some of the over crowded stuff inside of me out.  I wish the people that read my blog actually knew the extent of how much I appreciate them taking the time to check it out.  Means alot to me. 
  I've often heard that the English language is one of the most difficult langauge's to learn, I don't know that for a fact, since it's the only language I've ever learned.  I believe one of the reasons is that our language has so many synonym's, (example-I SAW a bird---I'm going to SAW a board)  word's that are spelled the same but have different meanings.  To a person who doesn't know our language, I can see that where that would be confusing.  I was never that good in English, except maybe in speaking it, when it comes to the adverbs, verbs, punctuation's and stuff like that, I would pretty well be assured of a C, D or an F. 
  There is one word in our puzzling, difficult language that captivate's my  attention more so than any other word that is not a synonym.  It's a word is that is only spelled one way, but to me has so many, many meanings.  You may have guessed it, maybe not, the word is "LOVE."  I'm only going to capitalize it that one time just to put the extra emphasis on it.  I don't know, maybe you can help me, it may be that "love" doesn't have all that many meanings, maybe it just has different levels, or different degrees of the same meaning, if that's even possible.  To me, there is a difference when I tell my Mother that I "love" her than when I tell my wife that I "love" her.  The "love" I mean for my Mother is a soft, tender, kindhearted, give her a hug type of "love," while the "love" I have for my wife is all of the above but adding a "My God, you're one sexy lady" under tone to it.  I "love" my brother and sisters, but I also "love" my two dogs, same word, but different kind of "love."  I unequivocaly "love" television shows like Forensic Files, but I also "love" my Doctor, same word, but there's no way it can be the same kind of "love." Here's one, I "love" pizza, and I "love" horror flicks, I'll eat the pizza I "love," but I don't like being part of anything that would be real life horror. OHHH, I'm so confused.

  I guess the bottom line of this blog is that "love" is a pretty darn good, sometimes confusing word almost any way that is used, as long as it's in a positive sense.  I "love" tons of stuff, but my family, my friends and my two baby Shih-tzus are the "love's" of my life.  Until tomorrow.  Love.

Rest in Peace

  This blog may go here and there, I'm not sure yet.  I know that I've been sitting here for at least an hour knowing what subject it is I wanted to write about, but not exactly sure of how to translate it to paper.  Here I go.

  My heart and spirit have been weighed down a bit this week.  The home that I volunteer at had two men pass away in the last week, one gentleman on the 13th of February and one gentleman on the 14th of February.  Then I heard about the passing of a former boss of mine, Doug, who passed away on my birthday, February 6th.  Out of these three gentlemen, I knew Doug the longest, but I wanted to honor all of their memories equally, in my own little way.  When I think about their passing, even today, this overwhelming feeling of grief overcome's me.

  The first two men I wanted to tell you about, well, I have to use ficticious names, because of privacy reasons.  Sam, the gentleman who passed away on the 13th, he was the person I knew the least about.  I met him one night while he was being fed.  I would have guessed him to be around my age, 53, 54.  Turns out, his obituary said that he was 71, the man held his age very well.  That night was just a casual introduction, shaking hands and I was on my way out of his room.  Sam was bedridden, and the facility has rules about volunteers staying in a residents room for any length of time.  I was curious as to why someone who looked so young would end in an assisted living facility.  Sam, I was told by his care giver, had a heart attack, then a pacemaker put in.  Sam would not allow the doctors to change the battery in the pacemaker, he was tired of his disability and the burden that he thought he was placing upon his family.  I stepped into the building where he resided the day before he passed, and Sam was crying from the pain that he was experiencing.  Sam didn't pass alone, he was a very loved man, and his entire family was at his bed side when our Good Lord called him home. Rest in Peace Sam.

  The second gentleman, whose passing I think had the biggest effect on me, we'll call him Ted.  I met Ted almost nine month's ago, he never said anything to me, but would nod in acknowledgement when I would say "Good Morning Ted", or "Hello Ted."  I often heard that Alzheimer's Disease was a horrible, painful disease, that causes degeneration of two lobes of the brain.  I sat with Ted watching television about two weeks before he passed away, he seemed in a good mood that day.  Two days before Ted passed away, he was totally blind and no longer knew what to do with food or drink, the list goes on, but I'll end it there.  Ted was 39 years old, and had developed early onset Alzheimer's.  Ted was also a very loved man, and surrounded by his entire family the day our Good Lord called him home.  Rest in Peace Ted.

  Doug, my boss for several years before he retired, was a very interesting man.  He had a business savvy that to be perfectly frank, amazed me at times.  Sometimes he would sit for hours and not say a word, all the while thinking about how something about the business could be improved.  Doug entrusted me to run  a several million dollar per year business, and for that, I will always have respect for the man.  I didn't hear of Doug's passing until a few day's ago, I learned that he had passed from bone cancer three weeks before his 54th birthday.  Rest in Peace Doug.

  I had to take time today and honor a few good men.  It was an honor to have met and known you gentlemen, may you Sam, Ted, and Doug, all Rest in peace.

The "F" Word

  I'm not sure what year it all started to change and to be honest, I'm really not sure whether or not I need to know, I'm sure there's a scholar out there with five or six doctorates in "social everything" that could give you a precise date if you really needed to know.  By now I'm sure a couple of you are mumbling "Olright, what the heck is he talking about?"  I'm talking about the year our society in America started going to heck in a hand basket.  I'm guessing the start of the decline had to have been the late 1950's or early 1960's.  Does it really matter if we know the year?

  For those of you readers that are younger, it may be a bit harder to understand the feelings I'm feeling while I write this, while an older person will probably understand my frustration a bit more.  Believe me when I say that our Culture has been on a steep decline since about thirty to forty years ago.  I simply stay in shock when I hear how SOME of the younger generation today speaks to their elders, and around their elders.  I made it a point to emphasize the word some because I know their are young people that that still carry on the values of their parents or caregivers in a way that is to be admired.  Can a younger person maybe message me and tell me when the "F" word became socially acceptable to use on social networks like Facebook, and when it became socially acceptable to use the "F" word in front of elderly people, ladies and children?  It's a nasty word, and I for one don't like hearing it or reading it.  I wish it was socially acceptable and legal for me to punch someone, if they were of age, in the face when they use that word.  When that word is used, it shows the lack of morals, respect and class of the person saying it, and in a way it shows ignorance for not using a decent word in it's place.  I know there will be (I really could give a poop) those folks out there saying, "free speech man," "nobody tells me how to talk man," "why would I respect anybody man, I don't get any respect."  Well you know, speaking like a maggot infested trash bag in public or on a public forum doesn't win you respect.  If anything, it makes me and I'm sure, others, lose respect for the individual.  I am fifty three years old, I have NEVER said a swear word in front of my Mother, or to my Mother.  I love and respect her too much to speak foul in front of her.  I'm not 100% sure, but I don't believe any of my Mother's five children have ever sworn in front of her.  It's all about respect.

If you don't want to try cleaning up your mouth for me or anyone else, how about doing it for yourself or your children.  Do want your young children growing up speaking like that?  It's sad but true, here recently I heard some young people, I'd say early teens walking on the sidewalk in front of my apartment, a young lady spoke up and said "Joel, give me an "F##K### cigarette, and laughing while she said it, like it was second nature for this young lady to speak this way.  It's so sad!!!  In closing, I want to extend this from time to time so that people that are a bit younger may be able to hear it from someone first hand how much people and things have changed over the last several years.  Until tomorrow.  Love. 

 

        

The Death Penalty--Yes or No?

February 15, 2012

  Welcome to my first night of discussing various topics.  You may not agree with my point of view on certain subject matter, but's that's perfectly ok.  The more you readers comment on my blog, the more we can all learn from it by researching whether or not a comment is factual, or just a bunch of garbage.  On my blog, "Science of my Mind," you can agree to disagree.  Today's topic, the death penalty.  Ever since I was a young man, I've had mixed feelings about this subject.  On one hand, I think it's hypocritical for murdering someone by turning around and murdering the murderer,  I know, I know, I can hear it  now, "an eye for an eye," with that idealogy, if we always used that form of punishment, eventually we would all be blind.  On the other hand, what else do we do with these lowest forms of criminal human life?  Let them live in the luxury of prison, being cared for at the taxpayer expense for so long as they should live?  You see, this is where my mixed feelings come in.  I've also heard of men being executed that were proven later to be innocent by DNA matches.  Here's a few facts, I'm usually not one for graphs, numbers and lists, I do make the occasional exception.

States Without the Death Penalty (Year Abolished in Parentheses)
Alaska (1957)--Hawaii (1957)--Illinois (2011)--Iowa (1965)--Maine (1887)--Massachusetts (1984)--Michigan (1846)--Minnesota (1911)--New Jersey (2007)--New Mexico (2009)--New York (2007)--North Dakota (1973)--Rhode Island (1984)--Vermont (1964)--West Virginia (1965)--Wisconsin (1853)
ALSO--District of Columbia (1981)

States With the Death Penalty--Alabama-Arizona-Arkansas-California-Colorado-Conneticut-Delaware-Florida-Georgia-Idaho-Indiana-Kansas-Kentucky-Louisiana-Maryland-Mississippi-Missouri-Montana-Nebraska-Nevada-New Hampshire-North Carolina-Ohio-Oklahoma-Oregon-Pennsylvania-South Carolina-South Dakota-Tennessee-Texas-Utah-Virginia-Washington-Wyoming---ALSO U.S. Govt.---U.S. Military

  You see, I'm not the only person who has mixed feelings in this subject.  In 1972 the Death Penalty was put on hold because it had been ruled unconstitutional, in 1976 the Death Penalty was reinstated, although the first execution after reinstatement wasn't until 1977.  The state of Texas has performed more executions than any other state since the resumption of the death penalty in 1976, prior to that Virginia had led the nation.  It surprised the heck out of me that hanging is still an option for execution in two states, New Hampshire and Washinton State-WOW!!!  Oh yes, the first execution for 2012 was today at 6pm in Florida, Robert Waterhouse had been on death row for thirty one years for the rape and beating death of a young Tampa Bay lady.

  See everyone, the more I hear and read about this stuff, the less sympathy I feel and the more I want these freaks to fry.  What do you think?

  Last execution in 2011 in America was on November 18 in the state of Idaho.  In 1988, a scumbag by the name of Paul Rhoades walked into a convenience store with three people inside. He shot and killed the two employees instantly.  He grabbed the customer, a thirty four year old school teacher, brought her out to his van and raped her. Paul Rhoades then shot this poor lady NINE times, then he CONTINUED raping her.  Now I'm furious, why, how was this man not toasted instantly by our justice system???   How can we allow a person capable of such atrocities be allowed to live even one minute after conviction?  What if he were to escape?  Lord have mercy.

  I tried to present both sides of the coin here.  I suppose if we don't have certain justice system guidelines in place for everyone, then we could have vigilante groups roaming the streets to dish out whatever punishment they feel is needed.   Like anything, our justice system has flaws, I don't think it will ever be perfect, we'll just always have people questioning why the system we have in place works for some, but not for others.

  Feel free to post any comments or opinions you have on this matter. Until tomorrow everyone.  Love.

NEW DIRECTION

February 14, 2012

  Blogs don't have to be about a specific topic, the content can be whatever is on your mind at any given moment.  Some people blog to use as an online diary of their own lives or someone else's, that they may refer back to at a later time.  If you have followed my blog, you've probably noticed that's it's been a little bit of everywhere and everything since I've started.  I suppose one could say that my blog, "Science of my Mind", is still in the eary stages of development, but will find the nature of it's calling.  Believe me, I've researched other people's blogs and even more successful blogs, but I'm not 100% satisfied that those are the directions that I want my blog to follow.  Starting tomorrow, and I will have to work out the kinks, I'm going to be trying something new, I will be commenting on past and current events, and if I'm able to and have the correct answer's, give advice to people that have issue's their facing.  Please, I ask everyone, your comments are just as important as anyone else's, do not hesitate to give your view on a matter.  Your opinion matters!!!  I feel as though we can have some good discussions and debates and always remember, "there is no bad question," so if your unsure about something we're discussing, please ask, and I will try to find the answer for you by the next day, or I'm sure someone involved in the discussion will find the correct answer.  This blog will also be a place where you can talk about anything that's on your mind, if you need to vent, and don't want your identity known where the world can see it, you can post anonymously, or send me a private message on Facebook.  I'm really looking forward to it.  If you ever have an idea for a topic, please drop me a line, I will research it, fill you in what I've found out, and with your blessing, publish it.    Your my family, friends and neighbors, let's have a good time with this thing.  Thank you all the opportunity to be able to do this, and I want to let you know how grateful I am that people are reading my blog. Thank you everyone, goodnight, God Bless and may we all have a better tomorrow.  Until tomorrow.  Love.

 

ALL CHANGE IS NOT GOOD

February 13, 2012

  I am sitting here thinking and this overwhelming sense of sadness just filled my entire body, kind like a WHOOSH sensation.  I don't know why this feeling waited until now to hit me, maybe it's because I was thinking of something to blog about, or maybe I've just let stuff build up inside me for so long, the WHOOSH was my body's way of telling me it's time to get rid of that stuff, or at least some of it.  At first I thought maybe I was once again feeling sorry for myself, poor George, but I can tell you, that's not the reason I'm sad.

  I was born in 1959 and raised in Poughkeepsie, New York until the age of 13 or 14.  I really don't remember a whole lot of my youth in New York. I do remember hanging out with my cousin Rich, he was the big brother I never had.  I also remember having fantastic tackle football games with my other cousin's at my Aunt Janet's and Uncle Jack's house.  We moved quite often when I was younger, and never stayed in the same school more than a year or two.  Then, when I was 13 or 14, my Mom and Dad moved us to Nashville, Tennessee.  I loved Tennessee, besides being the center of attention at school for my Yankee accent, Nashville was just a great place to live.  The southern hospitality and charm was present every where you went.  Nashville was still small enough in the 1970's to be able to be on the street at 9pm and the only thing you had to worry about was whether or not you could pedal your bike faster than a dog could run.  Fast forward to 2011, while Nashville still has bits and pieces of it's 1970's Southern charm, I don't think you'd want to ride a bike at 9pm.  Don't misunderstand me, there are still parts of Nashville that are safe and retain the southern hospitality it is ever so famous for.  Nashville has gotten too big for it's own good, population wise, it has become a mini Atlanta. The crime rate is outrageous and there are murders there at least a couple of times per week, sometimes more.  Rare is it safe for a lady to walk through a Walmart parking lot unescorted.   That's right, this is Nashville, Tennessee that I speak of, home of the Grand Ole Opry, and home to the Tennessee Titans.

  Another reason for the sadness.  What in God's name has happened to our country?  I have alot of the younger generation telling me, "things change, get used to it."  Guess what younger generation, I wasn't born yesterday, I know things change, and I welcome change, when it's for the good of our country.  I am still alive, and am still entitled to my opinion, some of the change that I'm seeing today , well, let's just say I'm glad I'm 53 years old.  Hey, you want to go with the flow, and make change happen every time someone suggest's it, you go for it, it's your God given right, doesn't mean I have to, doesn't mean I'll agree with you, but I will respect your choice.  All I know is that I miss those days being out at 9pm at night and people waving at you from their front porch. I miss the innocence, when a child of 13 or 14 didn't have to worry about walking down a street a night.  Some things my family and friends, are better just to left alone.  Until tomorrow.  Love. 

FOOD

February 12, 2012

  This is one of those nights where I am sitting here and can't think of a single subject to write about.  So I'm going to be writing about things randomly as they pop into my head.

  Here in recent weeks I have a new addiction that I'm battling with.  It's growing worse and I believe the only way I'm going to be able to stop is cold turkey.  As hard as cold turkey can be emotionally and physically, I have to stop and stop soon.  This addiction is forcing me to do several extra insulin shots per day, which gets tiring in it's own way.  They say the first step in conquering an addiction is to admit that I have a problem, and I am man enough to do that, right here, right now.  Everyone, my name is George, and I'm addicted to Tootsie Rolls.  I first started a few weeks back by purchasing a small bag in case my blood sugar dropped while I wasn't at home, just to carry them in my pocket, just to have them.  Then one day when my blood sugar bottomed out, I ate my Tootsie Rolls to bring my numbers back up, oh my God, were they good!  Even better, they lasted because they were thick and chewy, I'd let that Tootsie Roll sit in my mouth for a minute, get soft, then slowly chew and taste that chocolate goodness until there was no more.  Now, the Tootsie Rolls are no longer for my diabetic emergencies, now I have to have my Tootsie Rolls.  As I said, my name is George, and I am addicted to Tootsie Rolls.  I  will be seeking help after I finish one more bag that I have in my cabinet.  I promise.  In the voice of Homer Simpson- Mmmmm-Tootsie Rolls...

  I suppose since the subject is food, you know, I'm not exactly sure at what age it happened with me, but I've started to become burned out on eating.  I could honestly care less what I eat, as long what I eat keeps me alive.  I've mentioned before that I attend the food bank for assistance until my disability get's finalized, so I'm actually grateful for whatever it is that I get to eat. it's as though eating is a requirement now, not a joy.  Honestly, I could care less if I eat a bag of Ramen soup or if I'm lucky enough and on a very rare occasion, meat, to me they serve the same purpose, filling the belly and keeping me alive.  I'm not trying to glorify myself by saying this, but I  would much rather see someone who is truly hungry eat before me. I'd be happy with the scraps, and I really do mean that.

  Remember folks, if you do have something that has been sitting in your food pantry for a while, please find in your heart to donate it to your local food bank.  It makes my blood boil to know that some people take advantage of the food banks, and it only hurts those that are really in need.  There are those in need though, that could really use the help.

  Thanks for reading everyone.  I really do appreciate it.  Until tomorrow.  Love. 

JIM

February 11, 2012

  I don't know if this comes from growing older, being sick, or both.  Lately, I am so grateful for every one that I have met through out the course of my life, (those that I can remember) and for the little things that I have always taken for granted.  I witnessed something two nights ago that I have witnessed dozens of times before, but for some reason, this time it affected me differently.  It was kind of like I was crying, but only on the inside, no visible tears.  I know this gentleman because I volunteer at the facility he resides at.  As I said, I've crossed path's with him on and off for a while now.  For his privacy, I will not use his real name.

  I stopped by two nights ago to say hello to everyone and Jim was sitting at the kitchen table.  Jim is my age, maybe a year younger, or a year older, I'm not sure.  By looking at first sight, one could tell that Jim had been a very physically fit man during his life, but his muscles were now showing signs of degeneration.  I had heard that Jim was also a very handsome, ladies man, but recent weight loss had begun to make him look sickly and gaunt.  The way I understand Jim's reason for being at this facility started with a motorcyle accident that caused brain trauma, he was not wearing a helmet.  Soon after he started to heal, Jim developed Huntingtons Disease. Jim always had  Huntingtons, but it didn't rear it's ugly head until after his accident.  For those of you that don't know, Huntingtons Disease is inherited and causes the breakdown of nerve cells in the brain.  Everything that you and I do on a daily basis is affected and wiped away by this disease.  Jim can't even say hello any more, he can only say two words, food and hungry.  Jim can only walk now with assistance, his food has to be blended, because a side effect of Huntingtons Disease is difficulty swallowing.  A few years back, Jim was as average as you and I, today his condition worsens on a daily basis.  Three months ago when Jim needed assistance changing his clothes, while saying nothing, you could see the look on his face was one of embarrassment, and he would resist being changed. Today, it's a blank stare, no resistance, no embarrassment. 

  As I said earlier, Jim was sitting at the kitchen table, I said "Hi Jim", he looked up at me and said "Food".  I  told him "Jim, you look good tonight", he again said "Food," that's when it all hit me and on my inside I started to cry.  I don't know if it was my heart breaking for this man that was an average guy a few, short years back, or whether I was crying for all people like Jim, I believe it was both.  The reason that we as a society don't see many people like Jim out and about is because they are put into these homes and forgotten about.  I understand that people with disabilities sometimes can only recieve the care that they need by being placed in a home that can give them the attention that they need. The being forgotten about, even by their own family is the part I just don't understand, and that breaks my freaking heart. 

  There are so many other stories to tell.  Today I'm grateful for having met and being able to mingle with these fine, fine people.  Please, for all of those forgotten people across the lands, keep them in your prayers.  Until tomorrow family and friends.  Love.

TAKING A NIGHT OFF

  Hi everyone. I'm not going to do my standard blog tonight, I just wanted to touch base and say hey.  I'm brain storming trying to make this blog something everyone wants to read on a daily basis.

  The snow hit me by suprise today, I can't beleieve how bad the roads got with the minimal amount of snow that we had. (I believe we got two inches, varied around the state)  When I first moved here in 2000, driving in the snow absolutley petrified me.  Living in Tennessee from the age of fourteen, I had never driven in it.  I'll never forget it, my first time driving in a Wisconsin winter, I had people passing me and for some reason, they were showing me their middle finger.  I had these huge orange snow plows passing me while laying on their horns.  I honestly thought that the 20 miles per hour I was driving was a bit fast for the conditions, I know now that I was wrong.  I still play it safe, but at least I can keep up with the rest of the traffic while driving in the snow.
  Hope everyone has a great Friday night.  I'm going in the living room and watch Blue Bloods with the wife.  I'll be back with my "Science of My Mind" tomorrow.  Until then.  Love.

I WANT TO SHARE

February 9, 2012

  Today was an ok day.  I've been thinking about subjects to blog about all day.  I dropped my grandson off fairly early, so I had part of the day to myself.  I don't care who you are, time to yourself is a necessity.  If it's catching up on a delayed project, pampering yourself, or just reflecting on what's going on in your life, past, present or future.  Today was a reflecting day for me.  I've got all of these years of experience, hard knocks, lessons and wisdom at the game of life.  Now at the age of 53, I know what people mean by saying "Old people have wisdom."  I don't consider myself old just yet, but I feel like I'm old enough.  If there is a specific age classification for old age, I'd be knocking on the door to enter the club.  I want to start sharing some of my hard learned lessons, some not so hard learned lessons and some of the knocks I've had to experience to make it to the ripe old age of 53.  Please scroll down, hope you enjoy, you might or might not agree with all of them, but that's ok.  Feel free to comment at the end.  Please tune in to my blog tomorrow, I am going to say a short something about every friend I have on Facebook.  If you get an opportunity to like my "Science of My Mind Blog", I would really appreciate it.  Once again, I thank everyone for reading.  Until tomorrow.  Love

My List of a few of My Life's Lessons.

1.   I've learned that when I smile at people, they always smile back.

2.   I've learned that jealousy only hurts me.

3.   I've learned that forgiving eases the burdens of my heart.

4.   I've learned to admire the beauty that God has blessed us with.

5.   I've learned to accept people as they are, for who they are.

6.   I've learned that I must let go of all bitterness and resentments to have a  

      happy heart.   

7.   I've learned that when I fall off of the ladder, I get right back on.
8.   I've learned that no matter how bad it get's for me, someone else has it way
      worse.
9.   I've learned that it's always good to see my old friends.
10. I've learned that there's nothing I hate more than to see a woman cry.
11. I've learned that all babies are beautiful.
12. I've learned that there is something beautiful about every individual.
13. I've learned that my wife grows more beautiful as the years pass.
14. I've learned to call my mother every day and tell her I love her.
15. I've learned that step children are awesome.
16. I've learned once words are said, they can't be taken back.
18. I've learned a dog or cat does become part of your family.
19. I've learned that teenager's know everything.
20. I've learned that I'm never too old to hold my wifes hand.
21. I've learned to talk less and listen more.
22. I've learned we as a nation don't treat our elderly right.
23. I've learned not to judge anyone because of sexual orientation.
24. I've learned not to take people for granted.
25. I've learned that I cherish my relationship with Jesus Christ.
    

WHATS THAT?

February 8, 2012

  Two days in a row now to be awakened at 5:30 am.  Here of late, this is a world's record for me.  I should be standing high on the podium, with the 2nd and 3rd place awakener's on each side of me, the applause drowning out the announcer as I bend over for them to place the gold medal around my neck.  The category being "People who get up at 5:30 am two days in a row, I am the champion.  Once again, it was the sweet sound of my wife's voice waking me.  If there were an alarm clock that had my wife's voice saying "George, it's 5:30 am, time to get up, I would be the first in line to buy it.  Today my rising early was for a completley different reason than yesterday.  My grandson Anthony spent the night last night.  When my wife has to work at 7 am, Anthony and I bring her to work, then we head to Walmart in Neenah to continue the tradition I started with him several months ago.  I place him in the cart, push my grandson around Walmart for about an hour as he asks me "What's that?", inquiring about each of the several hundreds of thousands of items that Walmart carries.  If there is an item bearing the Scooby Doo logo or trademark, my grandson can spot it from several hundred feet away, behind shelves and underneath piles of other toys. 

  After walking until my legs and feet ache, it's time to check out what ever Anthony was able to win me over with the "I love you Papa" look that he knows melt the old mans heart until I buy it for him.  As long as his items aren't over the two or three dollars my wife leaves me, we head to the check-out.  From the check out, it's to the car, from the car starts the two mile journey home from Walmart to our apartment.  Now normally, on a regular day, when I'm by myself, it takes me about five minutes to get home, traffic included.  With Anthony as my passenger, he ask's me about all years, makes and models of every passenger car, pick up truck, cement truck, garbage truck and tractor trailer that frequent the roads of Neenah, Wisconsin.  I had to purchase a Chilton book of all vehicles (LOL) to keep up with the question and answer  sessions that my grandson initiates.  So my five minute trip turns into a twenty minute trip by the time I get all the answer's to all of the "What's that?" questions that my grandson thrust's upon me as I drive through the streets of Neenah.

   I suppose the point that I'm trying to bring home is that February 8, 2012, has turned out to be a pretty, darn good day.  Not a whole lot happened, I did get up early, continued a few tradition's with my grandson that I can only hope he remembers when I'm finally gone from this earth.  I don't think there will ever be a day to pass when hearing my grandson call me Papa won't melt my heart.

  To the outside world looking in, George Kuchenmeister had a pretty ordinary day, but for George Kuchenmeister, the day meant the world.  I'm a blessed man.  Until tomorrow.  Love.

TRUTH AND REALITY

February 7, 2012

  Today I awoke at 5:30 am to the sweet sound of my wife's voice.  When Mickie (for those of you that don't know, Mickie is my wife) works the day shift, half past five is her normal time to rise and shine.  Since I have fallen ill, I usually don't even hear my wife go through her morning routine, but I do awake an hour or two later with the excited anticipation of what ever morning note I have next to the coffee pot.  Today was different, I had to get up.  Ok, I'll go ahead and say it, I'm not proud of it, and am still a bit embarrased by it, but I had to get up to take our only car so that I could go to our local food pantry.  I love the early mornings with my wife. The fact that the world has yet to rev up it's motor for the day, along with the serenity that the pre dawn hours bring seems to set the mood for nice, tranquil conversation.  I've always loved moments when the world seems to be at peace with itself, no matter what time that may be.
  I dropped my wife off at 6:45 am, wished her a great day, and now had to find something to do until about 8:30 am, which is when the line at the food pantry seems to start growing in numbers.  The pantry doesn't actually open until 9:30 am, but as I said, the line forms early.  I had enough change in my pocket for a cup of coffee, so armed with a morning paper, I went to Burger King to pass as much time as possible without being considered a loiterer.  I had done it, when I arrived at our local food pantry, the line was forming outside the building, it was 8:10 am.  The food pantry is very strict about adhering to the time in which they unlock their doors. They open their doors at 9:00 am, and the line for food starts at 9:30 am, like I had previously stated.  One does their absolute best to stay warm until the doors open, a very small price to pay for the gratuitous service that the pantry provides. 

  Yes, going  from making close to $100,000 per year between my wife and I, to having depend on a local food bank is a very big adjustment to make.  At first, I was humiliated  and embarrased, today I am humbled and grateful.  The people that I have met at our local food pantry often share the same story as we do.  Husband or wife falls ill, no health insurance, one salary does not cover all of the bills, some times have to do with out medications just to pay rent.  Every one has a different set of circumstances, I thought nothing like this could ever happen to my family, I was wrong.  The array of ethnicities at the food pantry leaves no one to spare.  When you look real close at some of the people, despair and worry grips their faces, trying to keep children calm, or from crying because they are hungry only adds to that crack in my heart as I feel it breaking for them.  It literally brings tears to my eye's and a complete feeling of hopelessness when I see some of these decent folk's having to ask for help.  I still don't understand how we can spend billions on rebuilding Iraq, and have a child in Menasha, Wisconsin with out enough food to eat.

  With a lot of time left in the day, I went and picked up my grandson Anthony, who eventually ended spending the night with us tonight.  When I pick him up, I always make sure I have an extra dollar or two in my pocket so that I can take him to St. Vincent de Paul's thrift store and look for a toy or two that costs next to nothing. One would think that I have spent a million dollars with the excitement that Anthony gets from a one dollar toy.  I love that little boy,  he fills our home with not only energy, but a positive energy that I always miss when he goes back home.

  Mickie landed herself a second job today, which doubles my feeling of guilt.  She tells me I would do the same if she were sick, and I know that I would, but that doesn't make it any better.  I wish I could lavish my wife with gifts galore, but I can't, but I want to.  I'll always want to.
  That brings me to this moment, writing to you fine folks.  I hope that I presented this is some what of an entertaining fashion, I will continue this on a daily basis, and I'll let every one know when I need a break.  I will tell you this every day---I really do appreciate you reading my blog.  Thank you.  Love.
 

CHANGE IS GOOD.

  Today is my birthday.  Fifty three years old.  Make's a man stop for just a second.  Family and friend's, time is valuable. Life, the years, they go so quickly, cherish them, enjoy them.  Your family, children and friends, they are all indeed, blessings.  Let me be one of the first to wish my cousin Rich, a Happy Birthday, his is tomorrow on the 7th, hopefully, that's when he's reading this.  I always thought growing up that it was the coolest thing for my first cousins birthday to be one day after mine, even though a few years separate us, we've always held on to that special birthday bond. 
  Look, I'm a realist. I know, that if I don't do something with this blog, and fast, it's going to end up in my family and friends "read no more" category.  I don't want that to happen.  I love writing and sharing, it has always been a passion of mine, and now that I have disabilities, the last thing I want to do is sit in a rocking chair waiting to die, I want to write.  My blog is my way of staying in touch with all of you.  It's next to impossible for me to come up with a new, fresh blog on a daily basis, today alone, I've spent several hours thinking, what can I blog about tonight?  Dead end, had a few lights go off, but nothing blog worthy.

  What I've decided to do, to bring my "Science of my Mind" blog back to life is to keep a very detailed diary of my day's event's and then present them to you, the reader, in a way that I hope and pray keeps you interested.  Please, hang in there with me.  I have a very unique source of contributors for my new concept.  You will meet them periodocally during the course of my blogging.

  There are times, when I'm suffering from a case of the poor me's, I stop for just a moment, I reflect, I get my head back on straight.  I don't care how bad I have it, there's a million people out there that have it a whole lot worse than I do.   One benefit I have that I hold sacred and very dear to my heart are my faith, my family and my friend's.  Without you this blog wouldn't be worth writing.  I've said before, and hopefully with my new format, I will not only be able to connect to those I hold dear, but relay to a new audience as well. 

    I hope every one has a productive day tomorrow, please, if you can find the time, I'd appreciate it if you would tune back in to my blog tomorrow afternoon or evening to see what's going on in the "Science of my Mind."  Until tomorrow.  Love.

I AM THEM!!!

  Happy Sunday everyone.  I appreciate those of you continuing to follow my blog, "Science of my Mind." What I hope to accomplish with my blog is to reach as many readers as possible basing my blogs strictly on the human experience.  We all have lessons that we've learned through out the course of our short years on earth that can passed down from generation to generation.  Whether or not the generation that proceeds us will take heed of our life experience, or toss it by the wayside is strictly of their own doing.  Now in my early fifties, I have realized that a great majority of the lifes lessons that my Mom and Dad tried to teach me in hopes of making me a responsible young man, well, those lessons have finally sunk in.  While a teen, I always thought that my parents had some underlying agenda of making my life as difficult and miserable as possible, never thinking for even one second that they were just doing their job as parent's, and readying me for life after home.  Yes, it took me until my early fifties to finally admit, my parents were right.

  The year is 2012, I now sit in the front seat of my car repeating the teachings and life lessons that my parents had handed down to me some forty years earlier.  The kind ears that were the recipient of what I thought of as sharing my wisdom was a nice young lady that would never hurt my feelings by saying what I now assume she was thinking, "Old man, shut-up."  I sounded like my parents. OMG!!!  I swore to my self all through out my teen years, that the one thing I would NEVER EVER do was to sound like my parents, but there I was, rattling off the "do this," don't do that," and I've been there and through that,"

  The point I'm trying to make is that even though the times are changing, the fact is that teenagers will, as through all of history, remain the smartest and wisest people on the planet. When you finally become parents, you will lose all of the wisdom and lessons that you learned through those wisdom building years as teens and become the people that you swore you never would.  I promise, it's going to happen.  I wish know that I would have taken most of my parents advice, I had no idea at the time that they were actually not trying to ruin my life beyond any type of repair, they actually had my best interest at heart.  "I don't know what's wrong with teens today," has been quoted for more years than we know, and I'm almost positive, for generations to come.  Until tomorrow.  Love

I'M GONNA GIVE IT A NIGHT OR TWO.

  Hi everyone.  I've decided to give my self a night or two, step back, and return either tomorrow or Sunday night with my blog.  Like I had mentioned last night, I often head into project's without the game plan that I need to be successful with the project. I want to approach my blog with more thought and balance.

  I appreciate all of you that have followed and liked my blog page.  I'm going to the library tomorrow, do a little more studying, check out like a hundred more books and return in a day or two.  I will see you on Facebook.  Have a great week-end family and friend's!!!  Love.

THE DONELSON GANG

  Hi again everyone, hope you all had a wonderful Thursday.  I've been bothered all day by the fact that I did not deliver my blog yesterday as well as I know it could have been presented.  I waited too long to sit down at the key board, didn't drown out all of the sound, and allowed my self to be distracted.  My word's were sincere and from the heart, I just wasn't 100% satisfied with the end result.  My goal is to have as many reader's as possible, and have everyone that read's my blog hit the LIKE button on my blog Facebook page, and for me to accomplish this goal, I need to have a good blog, or article, every time I share.  I entered blogging kind of like I do everything else, half prepared, which has always been a fault of mine.  As I work out the kink's, I wish to be blogging more than just once per day.  This is my goal, for me , and for you.

  I first met Ritchie Mungovan in the Fall of 1978.  I was eighteen , Ritchie sixteen.  We were a part of a group of young people that I respectfully refer to as the "Donelson Gang".  We would spend every chance we could at the lake or creek bank, not realizing then that we would be making memories that would last the remainder of our live's.  We were not bad kid's, not any of us, just the usual group of rebellious teen's that had to get out and test the the water by our own mean's.  Of course we had the usual party  and getting in to a little trouble here and there, it was the beginning of the new decade and the Age of Aquarius, what else was to be expected???  Thank you to the very kindred spirit's of two very dear ladies,, Mrs. Hill, and Mrs. Pendley, we, the Donelson gang, had pillow's to lay our head's on, and food to put in our bellie's. We as a gang, all started to go our different way's about late 1979 or so, but none of us have ever lost touch.  We all have a bond that is one of those where I may not hear from Dawn, Darlene, Robin, Cindy, Becky, Tim, Tim R. or Bryan in six month's, but if I called any one of them for a favor, I wouldn't have to ask twice.  I do hope that you all have those kind of relationship's in your life, I'm sure that most of you do.
  As we grew older and eventually started families of our own, Ritchie and I stayed in particuilarly close contact.  Just so happened that he had bought a house a few short miles's from where I lived.  For the better part of twenty year's, Rich and I remained the best of bud's, me becoming the God father to his twin boy's, Andrew and Allen.  In the late 90's, I had to call on my best friend in the world, Dawn in North Carolina, for help in regaining traction in my life.  To explain to you the kindness that my friend's have in their heart's, I had not even met Dawn's spouse at the time, Steve, but they welcomed me in to their home with open arm's. Ritchie and I stayed in contact, him in Tennessee, me in North Carolina.  Enduring friendship.  I moved back to Nashville in the winter of 2000.



     In the year 2000, I met my wife, we decided to make the trip north, due to custody issue's, to Wisconsin to be near our children.  Ritchie and I said our good bye's, promised to stay in touch, which we did until life again got in the way.  I looked him up on MySpace from time to time, but never posted. Eventually, we lost touch.
  Fast forward to 2008,  my Mother-in-Law, Linda, God Rest her Soul, fell very ill to cancer.  Knowing her Mom didn't have long, we moved back to Tennessee, so that we could help care for Linda, my super cool Mom-in-Law. ( God, I loved that lady, and I miss her so much.) About a month after settling back into the routine of the Tennessee heat and humidity, and of course, it's southern charm, I decided to look my old friend Ritchie up,, now mind you, it had been over eight year's since we had talked.  He teared up, I teared up, told him about my wife, told me he had seperated from his, but wanted me to meet his pretty, new girlfriend.  We we're meeting the next Saturday morning at 10am at his house.  I hadn't seen my friend that I grew up with in eight year's.
  The next morning, and thirty years later, I was giving this guy I loved a bear hug like a grizzly.  We introduced the ladies, they talked, Ritchie and I stepped outside, he showed me around, his new nice tool shed, his Harley, his outside hot tub, man it was great seeing him!!!  Other than the natural year's that life adds to our character, Ritchie Mungovan looked the same.  We gave our hug's, made plan's for my house the next weekend and said our good bye's.  It was 2pm, Saturday afternoon.
  That very night, my wife and I returned home, I was getting ready to go to bed, and my phone rang.  The ladie's voice on the other end timidly said, "Is this George, Ritchie's friend?"  I said "yes it is, who's this?"  She said "This is Ritchie's mother,  George, I don't know how to say this, but after you left Ritchie's house today he called me and he cried happy tears that you actually thought enough of him to come see him after all these year's.  George, Ritchie was riding his Harley today and got broad sided by a girl in a car and died instantly, his girlfriend is in Vanderbilt hospital."  My Ritchie, the Donelson's gang Ritchie.

  Folk's, to this day, and for the rest of my life, I will tear up when thinking about my old friend.  In the picture above with all of us in the back of the station wagon, Ritchie is the only guy standing with the navy blue shirt.     Luckily enough, that day I said now what I preach to all of my friend's, my last word's to him we're "Love Ya Rich".  Now you why my blog's end with the word they do.  Until tomorrow.  Love.











 

GUY'S ONLY!!!

  Happy Wednesday evening to all of my family and friend's.  It was a great day today, not only did my wife have the day off, but I seized the opportunity to see a long time friend of mine for the first time in several month's.  Jason, it's alway's good to see you.  I really do love you and Michael.
  I have been swishing this blog's subject matter around the old head for several day's now.  It was going to be my FIRST BLOG EVER, but I just couldn't put it all together like I needed it to be.  Some of you that read this blog are not going to need the explanation that I'm about to give, you knew me all so well during this brief, embarrasing period of my life.

  Even to re-live this short time in my life is sitting here making me cringe.  When I met my wife in the year 2000, we had both just come out of marriage's that did not end well.  Get past this next sentence or two, and this is when my blog to you guy's actually begin's.  When I met my wife, I was a total train wreck, insecure, I would have won the Oscar for "Most Jealous, Insecure mate in America" award for three or four year's running.  I was so close to having Mickie walk out of my life for ever, I had to change me, and change me fast.  Guy's here is where the blog begin's.

  This March 18th will have been twelve year's since the day I met my wife.  I can look at her to this day and see something, something that is more beautiful about her from the day before.  I never miss an opportunity to let Mickie know, to me, just how beautiful she is.  If it wasn't for Mickie, I would not be sitting here writing this.  Mickie must have sensed something in me to endure my few short year's of tirade's. The end result being that I know I'm a better husband to my wife because of her tolerance of my action's and my catching on that her tolerance wasn't going to last for ever.
  Gentlemen, life's experience has brought me to you on this fine evening, I would like to briefly share a couple of thing's that this old boy learned the really hard way.  All of us guy's have had our heart's broken at one point in our live's,  we all know that we don't want to experience that crap again. 

1.  Jealousy stop's now.  If your mate want's to do you wrong, they will find a way.  The key is having a relationship so they have no desire to be any one's arm's but your's.  Being jealous all the time will lead your wife in to the arm's of another a whole lot quicker than you may think.  I have a strong suspicion that your wife will love the non jealous you way better than the the other choice.
2.  DO NOT TAKE YOUR MATE FOR GRANTED!!!---I put those word's in cap's because taking a person, any person, not just your mate for granted is awful.  Just because you've been together for year's doesn't mean a lady no longer feel's the need to be treated like a lady.  Car door's, flower's, note's, be silly if you must, but never let your lady doubt for one minute that your as sincere now about you're love for her as the day you met her.

  Fella's it's not hard, I have learned that love is a never ending learning process, and I like it that way!!  I, for one can not stand to see my best friend's spirit hurt in any way.  Mickie, because of this blog's title, I know you'll read it.  I know I'm the luckiest man alive, I love, I cherish you and I know I'm a blessed man.  Until tomorrow.  Love.

WE DID IT!!!

  Hi everyone, another day winding down.  I hope this was a constructive Tuesday for all of you, I have always found that when I accomplish more than sitting my tail on the couch watching television all day, I not only feel better about myself, but I sleep much better.  That's just me though, I know different thing's work for different people.  We ALL need that one day now and then where we do absolutley nothing but the the three major function's, eat, go to the bathroom and sleep.  Here lately with me, I've had too many of those "do nothing" day's.  As I sit here typing away, I still haven't come up with the subject I want to touch on this evening, or the title to this post.  I've had several idea's rolling around my head through out the day, but none of them have been the "THAT"S IT" subject.  So, the thinking cap is going on and I'm just going to start typing, or as I like to call it, "heart to head to hand's to paper."  Be back in a few...

  This subject has been the originator of war's from the beginning of time, so I had some hesitancy as to whether or not to touch on it.  Many of you guessed that the subject might be religion or faith--!!!BUT WAIT!!!--, I'm not a preacher or a priest, I don't even go to church, unless I'm invited to a church wedding.  So why in the world would I want to touch on the one subject I don't know much about, and why would you want to read about it?  I will tell you right up front, you believe the way you want to believe, and I'll do the same.  I stopped believing in any one form of organized religion year's ago.  I had to find what type of spirituality worked for me, after year's of praying and searching, I finally did.  The Good Lord and I have a relationship that work's perfectly for me, for us.  I'm almost certain many of you may say the same thing, your relationship with our Good Lord work's perfectly for you.

  The one huge question I have heard through out the course of my entire life, is "If the Lord is so good, why does he let bad thing's happen to good people?  I've asked myself this question so many time's that I had to come up with a way to embrace the answer to fit within my own spirituality.  The subject matter of this blog is what I've determined to be the answer to this question, and keep's  my heart and my spirit at peace.  You may or may not agree, your free to post your response's or feeling's on the subject,  I honestly do respect your opinion's.

  To me, our Good Lord doesn't let bad thing's happen to good people.  We have done that to ourselve's.  I'm not a scholar, I'm not making up my rendition of what I percieve to be religous history, this is what I've learned to come to peace with, this is what work's for me.  Here goes,  back in the day, when ever that day may have been, our Dear Lord blessed every one with the gift of free will.  I can't see our Lord saying, "Go and make disease's that kill my children, go make the metal that makes the cars to drive fast to kill my children, make gun's, make drug's, , make missle's, make war's, make all of these thing's so that one day my children can say, "Why do you, our Lord, let bad thing's happen to good people?"  We, the human race , we're the one's letting bad thing's happen to good people.  We took that free will that our Good Lord gave us, and we've done what we've done.

  I know that a million question's could be raised from the one previous paragraph that I typed, like I said, this is what keep's my heart at peace during time's of loss and despair.  Thank you so my friend's for reading. It mean's the world to me.  Until tomorrow.  Love